Based not on reality

So far throughout my whole education life, I have come to a point that Nursing has been the most challenging point in my life. My results are hopeless. I can't even qualify for university. Even at the most bleak situations, there's 10% of me which will assure the 90% of me. Mediocre shit. Coming back to the point, I've always hated science. I used to sleep during lessons and I've never scored above the C grade. I'm more of a Maths person. I can do it throughout the whole day and still love every aspect of it. Be it Amaths or Emaths & topping the class. Its been two miserable years that I've forbid Maths and the beauty of it. Wow, how far I have came with nothing. Nothing. Like how I am screwing up my future.

So I had been contemplating whether I should indulge my stomach or not for the past few hours. I did indulged after major wrestling with my mind & stomach. I feel lousy right now at the moment. Its 1.55am and I just gobbled down high in calories food. Great. Happy digesting it, stomach. As much as I despise people who always complain how fat they are and oh-i-ate-many-many-food-and-i-feel-so-fat kind of things, I'm being just like them. Irony. Naturally I do not publicise it in facebook, since god-knows how many people there are in my friend list. Complaining, whining & the list goes on. Somehow there's always been a love-hate relationship. Something that I can't seem to control at times like when life's miserable piece of shit. Its quite petrifying that I can gobble down two-servings of food of a guy. It doesn't get any better than this. As what my friends like to describe, emotional eating. Apparently, my self-control has drastically changed. Two years bac

It all comes down to this- is or was. I'm not much of a public person, never was anyway. I'm too shallow to even bother to be a peoples' person. Wow, now the act-talk really gets into me. I'm pretty much peeved right now. Generally, no can do in these matters. I prefer to be left alone in my room where 50:50 gets the best out of my raging emotions. Level of anti-socialism seems to be increasing. Sure, with typical human behaviours that constantly pull the trigger. No wish to elaborate it any further. And being handphone-less just meant less commitments and more freedom to myself. Good riddance! Whats worse? Nursing and my camera aint going anywhere. I might just give up fotography since its been dangling and be a Nurse my entire life. Of course, thats a suicidal thought of mine. I might just die along in the Nursing process.

Dear boys, I do not know how we stumbled upon each other but I am pretty sure we were walking along the same path. We were eating at the same table, sitting at the same platform. Came polytechnic, came Nursing & came you guys. Male nurses, pretty rare but I found you all at once. I would like to assure you that regardless of my weatherbeaten look most of the time, it is still able to feel warmth. Of course times where I have to wrestle my emotions to struggle to tune to the right frequency. I think we somehow defy the theory "Man are from mars. Women from Venus" by 10%, so much so that we are still up and running. Yes, at times I neglect you all. Its not like I have nothing to say, trust me. I am filled with opinions so and forth. Times when I look out for you guys in lecture/corridors/canteens which puts me at ease to know you guys are doing fine. I wish I could tell you guys how you make me feel. More negative reasons than positive I am sure of. That much I will leave i

It seems that you're there, for the purpose to make way. To give them the headlight start. Its like you're meant to be deceived all along. The aftershock, the big black cloud over one. I have brought myself here.

I just turned eighteen, with faces of hidden perfectionism surfacing. All the streets are the same, what are the chances of winning? Its just the epitome of survival to get through. Sighing annually in bid of anticipation that something melodic will, at least, strike my eardrum. Comparing every birthday might not be a good standard of practice. The night starts here..searching for my identity and seeking solitude.

Celebration of 25 years of service for Dad and his intake.